"A Life Well-Lived"

...That’s what her pastor said at the memorial service for Janelle Hayes. She was a wife, mom, and a pre-school teacher. She was a woman who shared herself and the crafts that she loved, and became, unexpectedly, a beacon of hope to people in many parts of the world. And why? God only knows. She just had an idea one day about three years ago that she wanted to share the stamped and assembled greeting cards she was making. She started a blog, where she posted entries a few times each week.

When the cancer struck her last summer in the form of a vicious brain tumor, she just kept on writing: the usual crafty stuff, some things about the family and her life, some pictures…and now a new type of entry, some scripture to share from her daily devotions and her cancer journey. Friends forwarded her blog to friends, and her internet community grew. She used the gifts God gave her. She shared of herself. And God used her faithful witness to touch many people who had no interest in Christian faith, but were introduced to that faith through their interest in her.

Without anticipating what she was doing, Janelle became an unexpected global witness to faith in Jesus Christ. She knew what it meant to trust God and to pray for what she wanted. She told everyone how she wanted to be healed and live long enough to enjoy grandchildren. She asked God outright to do a miracle and she let everyone know that she believed God could do so. And yet, she also spoke of placing her hopes and desire for healing in God’s own hands for whatever type of healing that might entail. God did heal her, but not in the way we all wanted…she was healed in a moment as she stepped into eternity on May 10.

Faithful – that is what God calls us to be. Not spectacular. Not like someone else. Just faithful: developing the gifts we have been given, sharing our talents, our interests, ourselves. It’s a challenge for all of us – living each day faithfully, unaware of what the future holds.

 I will close with the excerpt from Janelle’s blog written during the week in August when she let her readers know that her brain tumor was inoperable:

“And now I feel like a little spiritual encouragement may be in order for the end of this post... directly from the Lord during one of our times together this morning: "The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace." Psalm 29:11 (NLT)

From the Lord's lips to your ears. Hugs! (And hope to see you again tomorrow.)”

www.showandtellblog@typepad.com, August 7, 2011 [accessed 052212].

I was privileged to call Janelle my sister, by her marriage to my brother Ken. I miss her.  I treasure the woman she was and hope to follow in her footsteps of faithfulness.

A doubter? Perhaps not so much....

This week the lectionary put us in John 20:19-31. This is the story of the risen Jesus' appearance to the disciples on the evening of the resurrection and again 8 days later with Thomas present.

You remember Thomas - the one with doubts. He is the one that I've always thought of as a deeply "in your head" kind of guy - needing evidence before he will believe that Jesus is alive. But as I hung out with this scripture passage this week, I began to wonder about my assumptions. Hear me out on this idea and see what you think…

You may remember Thomas was not present with the other disciples when Jesus appeared and showed the group - the rest of them - his nail scarred hands and feet, and his wounded side.

So Thomas returns later, and the disciples excitedly tell him, “We have seen the Lord!” I imagine something like this: "We saw him, his nail printed hands and hole in his side! He's alive, Thomas! Isn't it great?”

Thomas, however, responds to their enthusiasm by refusing to believe their story unless he gets to see - what? Why the very same things the disciples saw: hands and feet and hole in Jesus' side.

Really? Was he really that doubtful? Did he think they made this up? After all, all ten of them were telling him this. It makes me wonder if perhaps there was something other than intellectual doubt at work here…

Maybe, just maybe, he was miffed, actually hurt, that Jesus showed up at a time when he, Thomas, was not there. We don’t know why he wasn’t there – perhaps he was out picking up lunch at the local BBQ for them, or some other errand – but he is left out of this miraculous event… He is now Thomas, the one who hasn't seen the resurrected Christ.

I mean, Jesus could have come when they were all there. Thomas is human. I can hear him wondering just under his breath: "Why did he leave me out? Why am I excluded? Now it is just me and Judas, the betrayer, who haven’t seen the risen Christ!"

I think you see where I’m going with this. Perhaps his “doubting” was really this: “Jesus I need to know you care about me! I need to know that I have not been rejected for some sin I'm maybe not even aware of!”

When Jesus shows up, I can’t help but think that what Thomas was more concerned about than seeing the evidence of palms and feet and side, was the personal attention he received in answer to his real need: to know he was loved and accepted by Jesus. After all, his response isn't: "ah, now I see!" but rather "My Lord and my God!"

I wonder if we too sometimes don’t experience this kind of hurt, a smarting sense of being left out - You know, we pray and pray for something very dear to us – perhaps a child who is wayward; a grandchild who is ill; a spouse who is abusive so we live in fear; a job or boss that is unbearable, financial difficulties that just don't seem to ever resolve.

We pray and pray and pray – and nothing seems to change. And we hear about answers to other peoples’ prayers, answers that seem so perfect - so we pray harder and grind in our anger – saying almost, "Unless I see the evidence that God cares about me in this way that I expect…...."

But friends, we can be assured, God is there. Perhaps not moving in the way we think best – but always with our best at heart. Like Thomas and the Psalmist, we can cry out to God – (Ps. 6:4+, 10:1; 13:1ff) - honestly expressing our pain and even demands – and count on the fact that God will meet us… right there. The answers we get may not be as important as the realization that God is with us... and will always make a way, even where there seems to be no way.

A number of years ago Twila Paris had a song that included a line something like this: "When you cannot see God’s hand, trust God’s heart." This is our hope – and the experience of our faith – Our God of unfailing, steadfast, enduring love and compassion will meet us where we are. And we are left not with evidence - but with the relationship and presence that melts our hearts and meets our needs in unimaginable ways.

Spirit, Christ and Divine Mystery

I'm a student in a "mainline" Protestant seminary. For some of you that might be "enough said." But for some, including me, it is an intriguing thought. Some days I wake up and wonder how I got here.

I have learned many things - tried on many hats - and stretched in many ways - at times changing clothes in the process. Then occasionally, I go chasing some scrap of theological clothing that I have previously discarded - to shore up my faith. Sometimes these scraps become precious in new ways and are worn again. Sometimes, when the fear recedes, they are once again discarded.

During one of those times, when I studied feminist theology under a wonderful professor - reading Catholic feminist theologian Elizabeth Johnson, and feeling the moorings of my faith shudder...I wrote the following:

True Tower of wisdom and strength,
dismantle the false props

Give courage for the plunge
the baby steps,
the halting gait,
the athlete's lunge

In pursuit of unseen treasure
that cannot be tasted, touched or beheld from a sturdy fortress
but must be pursued
amid shifting sands
and changing tides,
with confidence only in You

As I wrestled with the stormy waves, our ever-faithful God reminded me in the depths of my spirit that all the shuddering was but growing pains; that my fears kept me hostage; that I was free to accept or reject, to ponder and mull, and eventually to receive or not, anything I was learning. The lesson for me was this - God is in it all and we don't really understand very much of it.
Thanks be to God!

Sisters 2010

I'm really excited today... I have a "follower." And it is even someone I know. My sister. What a blessing sisters are... we just returned from a three day annual event called variously "sister weekend" or "sister trip" or as Janelle has termed it "sister Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday."

One thing about sisters is this... they flex with you! Since I have weekly commitments with the church, they were gracious and agreed to move the "weekend" to the "week." Of course, no matter what day of the week we choose, it is fun, fun, fun!

We do fun things. We eat really good food! and we talk. A lot. Some current stuff and lots of memories...often contested as to their veracity, or at least the angle with which it is presented. Were we 3, 7 and 10 when this happened? Or really 4, 8 and 11? Did dad really get mad at someone? Or was he, as she remembers, never, ever mad at her.

We have only our varying degrees of fading memory to check the facts against. Such is the blessing of families......... enjoy this picture courtesy of sister Janelle......

Old Shoes

I have a terrible time getting rid of old shoes, especially my walking shoes. Even when I know they are worn out, when the support is gone and my knees begin to complain that my shoes aren’t supporting me the way they should, I just don’t like to give them up. There is something about the way they feel that makes me wear them long after I should have replaced them.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally dropped my resistance and bought a new pair of walking shoes. I was amazed at how much better I felt with that new support. It was worth the effort to make the change, to try something new.

Sometimes my spiritual life is like that as well. I have certain practices that I do regularly – forms of personal scripture reading, study and prayer, ways of doing ministry that are just comfortable. Tried and true, they have supported my spiritual life for decades. And yet, there are times when I realize that so much “comfort” may indicate that I might be avoiding deeper things that God wants me to experience and places where I need to grow spiritually. But, oh! It is hard to change a routine.

In Hebrews 5:12 the writer reminds us that we who have years of experience in our faith ought to by this time be past the days of “milk” as primary nourishment like infants in the faith, and on to solid food – learning the more “mature” things of God: discernment, forgiveness and ministering to others. Sometimes that means stepping out of my routine and trying something new, like a new devotional practice or finding a new way to serve those around me. I guess I'm saying: "Ok, God... show me the way......"

Hmmm... hang in there with me and let's see what comes of this!

Mud puddles and other troubles...

(James 3:13 - 4:3; 7-8a)
When my children were young, we lived on a short, dead ended street. Our friends lived just beyond the dead end on a hill sloping down to an empty field where the kids often played. One day in the spring I went looking for my son, who was just about 3 years old. As I walked down towards the dead end, I noticed that he was at the bottom of the hill. It had rained recently, and he was playing in the mud. From the looks of him, he had been sliding down the hill into this mud and then rolling around in it. You get the picture I’m sure. Sticky, slimy wet mud covered him. As I walked and watched him, he would stand and then slip, falling back down, happily enjoying himself.

Until he saw me and decided he wanted to leave the mud and come to me. You see, when he decided to leave the mud, he couldn’t. He would stand and slip, stand and slip. But rather than enjoying it, now he was crying and struggling, frustrated, angry, getting more and more afraid.

I think that is a picture of what happens to us when we get caught up in the world’s wisdom that James was speaking of in his letter we just read. Worldly wisdom is the muddy mess of our culture values, the values of the world. We play happily for a long time, getting more and more covered in the muck. But then, something happens to give us view of something better - something clean and warm and loving, the way we were designed to live, and suddenly we feel trapped by what a few moments ago was blissfully ignorant pleasure.

This passage in James is a sort of diagnostic tool for our spiritual health, the list of “warning signs,” if you will that tell us we are getting covered in mud.

I. Evidence of a problem: “Who is wise and understanding among you? Show by your good life that your works are done with gentleness born of wisdom.” Now if this means “be nice” then we are all doing fine, because if there is anything we are, it is nice and friendly. We are warm and welcoming, cooperative and generous. We experience it every Sunday.

What we often don’t see is what goes on at other times than Sunday morning. So I am going to assume that you, like me, are not always this nice. That you, like me, have your own “hot buttons.”

Let me mention a few words: health care…immigration…corporate bailouts…. welfare…the Supreme Court….Democrat…Republican…gun control...English-only laws….gay marriage… prayer in schools...Muslims...integration.

We all know that in polite company, it is best to stay away from politics and religion. And why? Because these are the sorts of things that get our dander up, that fire up our emotions; that may lead us into impolite conversation; may reveal some area of our hearts that we would rather not reveal.

James tells us that we can diagnose our heart condition…we can look at what we are doing and what we are saying and ask: am I operating in a spirit of gentleness? A willingness to yield? A willingness to not be in control of the world around me?

Let me share an experience: I have many friends and relatives on all sides of the issues I just named. Many of them are good Christians, go to church, tithe, do works of service and practice spiritual disciplines. That is what makes me so distressed when I get e-mails from them under the guise of humor or serious consideration of one of these social issues, but it turns out to be a message that demeans and demonizes an entire group of people, portraying them as ignorant, scheming, conspiring or fools. Those demonized, of course, are the ones that don’t agree with us politically, religiously, socially or philosophically.

I want to suggest to you that when our text says: “you want something and do not have it; so you commit murder,” it is not just referring to gun-toting thugs.
Jesus said that if you have hate in your heart, you are guilty of murder. Now my e-mail friends would say, “Well, I don’t hate anyone!” Perhaps not, at least not consciously, but what is it that we have in our hearts when we demean whole groups of people with one broad brush? I want to say “When we hit that forward button on the computer, we say this is from me” and tag our name to the message.”

Alas, for all my self-righteousness, my response to these e-mails has not been particularly courageous. Generally, I do nothing, not wanting to pass the messages on certainly, but also not wanting to offend my friends. So I was just a little taken-back as I wrote this sermon and found myself tempted to do my own demonizing – aimed at my e-mail sending friends. You see, I like my fantasy world where everyone just gets along and is nice. I feel secure there – even if it isn’t real. So, part of my upset was that they burst my fragile bubble of “niceness.”

When I search my heart, I find that I too have bitterness; I just don’t verbalize it… This “nice” exterior that I try to show is what James is referring to when he says in essence, “don’t be boastful and be false to the truth.” (v.14) Don’t put on a false front, pretending to be what we aren’t. Ouch! You see, that spirit of worldly wisdom is a mire that we all fall into!

II. James tells us the cause of our getting in this spiritual mud hole of worldly wisdom, bitterness and envy: He says, We have not because we don’t ask God.(4:2) We try to get the things we want in our own ways, ways that leave God out: Through government, politics, institutions…none of which are inherently bad. But when we start trusting in our human systems to be the source of our well-being, our security, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. No earthly power or system can ever do that for us!

James says further, when we do ask, we ask with selfish motives, so we can have more for ourselves. (4:3) If we look at the rhetoric about these complex social issues, it often comes down to our concern about money. We tend to see ourselves as victims in one way or another: Either we see ourselves as disenfranchised, unable to get meaningful work that pays a decent wage, unable to afford health insurance, unable to have a lifestyle like the one we see portrayed everyday on television; or we see ourselves as being robbed, having worked hard for our money, having been responsible and diligent, and now being expected to fund the fix for problems that we don’t think we had anything to do with.

When my son struggled to get out of the muddy mess he only got more stuck; And more afraid! Likewise, friends, I want to suggest that fear might be the factor that causes us to polarize and attack, or deny the significance of the problems we face. We may be, in fact, just plain scared…of the rapid change in the world. Deep in our hearts, we feel powerless in the face of so many overwhelming issues. It seems the world we knew (or thought we knew) is being replaced by something that seems harsh and uncaring, foreign to us; seemingly sure to rob us of our safety, health and hard-earned money. We want to get out of the mud, back to dry ground! But on our own, all we can seem to do is blame and attack or succumb to apathetic fatalism, neither of which honors God.

III. Gratefully, James tells us there is a remedy for our situation: Godly wisdom provides us with the means to engage the issues in ways that honor God – that come from a position of spiritual strength, where gentleness, receptivity and concern for God’s ultimate purposes prevail. “Submit to God…",James says…, resist the devil and the devil will flee…. Resist reacting from fear and bitterness - draw near to God and God will draw near to you.”…

If you are engaged in understanding and helping to solve these complex problems that face us today, may God bless you. We, the people of God need to be offering solutions, looking at possibilities, praying for God to intervene, to give us wisdom from above; to be open to what God is doing… even if that doesn’t fit our expectations.

But for those of us who are fearful, blaming others or putting our head in the sand in apathy, we have to honestly confess our fear that our country, our world and sometimes our own lives seem out of control, that we are stuck in the mud and cannot extract ourselves. When my son was stuck in the mud, it wasn’t until I finally got his attention long enough to get him to just stand still, that I could extract him from the mud, and he was rescued.

Fear not, we hear God say. Be still and know that I am God. Draw near to God and God will draw near to you. Ask God to show you, as God did with me this week, where there may a bitter root or fear in our hearts. Let us confess and repent; commit to the way of the wisdom from above, the wisdom that we are promised. Draw near to God.............

I find it intimidating to just look at this white space and consider putting down my thoughts - for you see, my thoughts are a little like the Stream in the title of my blog - they go along a path, not a nice neat road... they wander, and cut into the side of the unformed borders of the path, and make new rivlets that take me new places. Now that is enjoyable often, however when I want to make some cogent statement, it is most annoying that the beginning and end of the sentence(s) might come from different places - and even I can't seem to figure out how they go together.

Now, courage is also not one of my gifts, but I am inspired by two of my sisters that blog regularly, one in a personal blog, and the other a public blog that is widely read...(you can find Show and Tell at http://showandtellblog.typepad.com/show-and-tell/It is great, enjoy.

But now, months after I started this, I am going to publish.... take a deep breath, hold my nose, and just jump into the depths! Here Goes!!!!