Spirit, Christ and Divine Mystery

I'm a student in a "mainline" Protestant seminary. For some of you that might be "enough said." But for some, including me, it is an intriguing thought. Some days I wake up and wonder how I got here.

I have learned many things - tried on many hats - and stretched in many ways - at times changing clothes in the process. Then occasionally, I go chasing some scrap of theological clothing that I have previously discarded - to shore up my faith. Sometimes these scraps become precious in new ways and are worn again. Sometimes, when the fear recedes, they are once again discarded.

During one of those times, when I studied feminist theology under a wonderful professor - reading Catholic feminist theologian Elizabeth Johnson, and feeling the moorings of my faith shudder...I wrote the following:

True Tower of wisdom and strength,
dismantle the false props

Give courage for the plunge
the baby steps,
the halting gait,
the athlete's lunge

In pursuit of unseen treasure
that cannot be tasted, touched or beheld from a sturdy fortress
but must be pursued
amid shifting sands
and changing tides,
with confidence only in You

As I wrestled with the stormy waves, our ever-faithful God reminded me in the depths of my spirit that all the shuddering was but growing pains; that my fears kept me hostage; that I was free to accept or reject, to ponder and mull, and eventually to receive or not, anything I was learning. The lesson for me was this - God is in it all and we don't really understand very much of it.
Thanks be to God!